“Look, maybe I didn’t say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.”

If you’re not watching it, I highly recommend the Ash vs Evil Dead series on Showtime.

I’m usually not up for horror, but Ash vs Evil Dead is a hilarious blend of comedy and horror.

The likable-but-idiotic Ash also has something to teach us about marketing.

First, let me tell me you the bit I’m talking about. The bit is actually from Army of Darkness, which inspired the series. In that movie, Ash is stuck in the past. where a wise man tells Ash that he needs to find a magic book to get home.

To retrieve the book safely, he needs to say three magic words: “Klaatu Barada Nikto.”

Of course, Ash doesn’t really memorize the three words. At the critical moment, Ash says this instead:

“Klaatu Barada N… Necktie… Neckturn… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word! Klaatu… Barada… N… *coughs*”

Naturally, since Ash messes up the spell, an army of ghouls rises from their graves to attack the good guys…

Funnily enough, thinking of that scene reminds me of how some lawyers actually botch their online marketing in a way eerily similar to what happens in Army of Darkness:

First, a wise man will tell the hero what to do. Maybe the wise man is an SEO guru who tries to make the hero (that’s you) memorize magic words like “content marketing”or an AdWords guru babbling about “broad match keywords.”

Second, the hero tries to follow the instructions. Unfortunately, the instructions are often as confusing as “Klaatu Barada Nikto.”

Lastly, the cryptic instructions don’t work and chaos ensues, like spending $10k on marketing with nothing to show for it.

Anyway, I don’t blame lawyers for not memorizing the right “magic words” for marketing. It’s confusing. And lawyers already have to memorize weird magic words like “in loco parentis”.

I say, let lawyers be lawyers, and let marketers be marketers.

Are you a lawyer? Well, I’m a marketer that gets attorneys good leads and new clients.

If you’re a lawyer that wants some good marketing magic, let’s talk:

Bob Hiler